Annoying things to do in a lift
by ParanoidAndroid42
Summary: The Doctor has a list.  Amy, Rory and River are his targets.  What happens when he decides to act out his list and will he survive two angry Pond women and an angry Roman?  Micro-fictions.  Rated for River being River.
1. Playing Twister

A/N: The characters aren't mine. They belong to the BBC. Now, I found a list of annoying things to do in an elevator (lift is the British version) and I could see 11 doing a few of them to Amy, Rory and River.

After a long day of walking around a shopping centre, River and Amy, followed by a walking mound of bags, decided it was time to go home or back to prison in River's case. The two women wisely chose to go into an empty lift due to the sheer amount of shopping they'd done courtesy of the Doctor,

"Rory," one pile of bags spoke, "remind me to never let those two near my psychic credit card again."

"It won't work Doctor, this is Amy and River we're talking about. If they want your card, they'll get your card." The other pile seemed to sag slightly to match the resigned tone of voice.

"Well, now that we're on our way back, let's do something fun!" the Doctor popped up from River's pile of bags clutching a box. Ignoring River's glare, he shoved the bags to one corner, clearing a space in the middle of the lift. "Twister, nothing like a good game to pass the time."

"Sweetie, we're in a lift."

"Yes, perfect place don't you think?" he smiled at his three companions as he laid out the mat. "So, anyone want to play?" he asked, grinning and holding up the spinner.


	2. Sniffing People

Another day, another escape from Stormcage. River had decided on a little break away from the dark corridors and humourless guards, choosing instead to spend the day wandering around Cribb's Causeway with her mother. It wasn't actually her plan, she'd only meant to pop in for a cup of tea and a chat but then Amy had pulled the "I don't get to see you that often" card.

Which was why they were now sat in a café in Bristol with their bags on the floor and a half eaten cake on the table between them. Despite usually preferring adventures, River found herself enjoying a relaxing cup of coffee and the chance to gossip with Amy.

"Amy and River!"

The two women froze at the sound of the excited voice and turned to look at the man standing beside them. The Doctor, wearing another ridiculous hat, River noted, was beaming at them both while carrying what looked like a mixture between a whisk, a cup and a bottle of squash.

"Sweetie, two things. First, what on earth are you carrying and second, what is on your head?"

The Doctor's eyes widened in fear for his beloved hat and he raised a hand to protect it, "it's a beret! Berets are cool!"

"No they're not Doctor," Amy smiled fondly at him and patted his arm, "nothing you wear can be called cool."

"But, oh fine!" he huffed, "and this thing detects time energy, there's a tiny little chip in time somewhere around here, want to help me find it?"

Amy and River shared a glance and then nodded at the Doctor, he grinned and started walking off, and looking like an idiot as always.

"We're walking behind him right River?"

"Yep, as far as everyone else here knows, he's a total stranger."

The Doctor led them on a march through the entire building and onto the lift. Once they were inside he leant against the wall next to River and smiled. River ignored him and turned to Amy, intending to tell her about the latest prison news but Amy was just staring at the Doctor with a half amused, half scared look on her face.

"What is he doing mother?" River sighed.

"I think he's sniffing your hair. Doctor?"

"Hmm."

"Why are you sniffing River's hair?"

"Because I like it," he replied, burying his nose in her curls. River stepped forwards slightly and turned around to face him, "why'd you do that?" he moaned.

"Sniffing my hair is not something you do in public," she snapped, hands on hips, "in the bedroom its fine-"

"Don't finish that sentence please!" Amy shouted, rushing out of the lift, "not something I want to hear."

River smiled as she and the Doctor followed, "sorry mother, sometimes it's hard to tone down the flirting," she grabbed the Doctor and linked their arms, "so sweetie where's that chip in time?"

"Oh that? I made it up," he grinned and unlinked his arm from River's, oblivious to her rapidly growing anger. "So Pond," he turned to Amy, "lunch is on me, I know this great place,"

"Yeah Doctor?" Amy interrupted, "not the time, now is more the time for running."

"Running? Why would I want to run?" he followed Amy's gaze to see River reaching for her blaster, "oh right. See you again Pond!" he shouted as he ran out of the doors, a furious River on his heels.

"This was actually a normal day for me," Amy shook her head and headed back to the car, knowing that River would meet her back at the house later.


	3. Got enough air?

Rory groaned as he got to the lifts. He'd been so caught up in his work at the hospital lately that he and Amy had hardly any time alone and earlier on he had a text from her,

Hey babe, don't forget we're going out for dinner later xx

Of course, their anniversary. He tapped his foot as he waited for the lift to arrive, hoping that it would hurry so that he could get home, get changed and hide Amy's present before they had to leave for the restaurant. The door opened and Rory almost cried at the person waiting inside,

"Rory! How's everything going?"

Rory took a few deep breaths to calm down, "everything's fine Doctor, it's our anniversary tonight."

"Oh I know," the Doctor rummaged in the bag next to him, "River and I got you both something."

Rory took the brightly coloured present with some wariness, River he trusted, the Doctor, not so much and god knows what they'd bought for him and Amy. He quickly smiled, noting the Doctor beaming away and carefully placed the present in his own bag.

The wait for the lift to reach the next floor seemed to take forever, the two men were completely silent, at least until the Doctor knelt next to the bag again,

"You alright in there?" he shouted, "got enough air?"

Rory was about to say something but then thought better of it; he really didn't want to get dragged into anything tonight after all.


	4. Voices in my head

Amy and Rory were just enjoying one of the rare sunny days in summer when the TARDIS crashed in their garden. They didn't bother to get up and look, knowing that anyone inside was perfectly fine and that it was just their son-in-law's terrible driving.

"Nice of you two to check if we're alright," a voice behind them made Amy look over the top of her sunglasses and smile,

"Oh hi River!"

River rolled her eyes and slumped into the chair that Rory had pulled out for her. Her hair was messier than usual and her dress was smoking slightly. Amy didn't say anything but poured a glass of wine and handed it over to her daughter.

"Thank you mother," River took a grateful sip of her drink and sighed, "Can we stay for a bit? The old girl needs some rest."

"Of course you can stay!" Amy grinned, always happy to have River around.

"Good, oh and we need to go shopping," River indicated the singed dress she was wearing, "this is all I have right now."

Rory shook his head, not bothering to ask why River only had one dress with her, he was pretty sure he wouldn't like the answer.

"Sweetie! Get out here."

The Doctor, his shirt even more singed than River's dress and his hair sticking up, approached the group, holding out his arms for a hug. Amy got up and pulled him close, happy to have him with them for a bit. Rory clapped him on the shoulder and the Doctor shook his hand before they all made their way to Rory's beloved little mini.

"What about the car I got you?" the Doctor asked as he squeezed into the back with River, looking every bit as uncomfortable as Rory knew he would.

"It's an expensive sports car, not for going to the shops in," Rory replied, sliding into the driver's seat and patting the dashboard fondly, "besides, what's wrong with this car; she's never let me down."

The Doctor held onto the passenger headrest for dear life, "there might be a day."

Rory leant forward and kissed the wheel, making Amy and River roll their eyes, "it's ok dear, he didn't mean it."

"I'm going to die in a mini driven by someone who talks to his car," the Doctor moaned.

"You talk to the TARDIS, regularly." River pointed out, smiling as the Doctor failed to come up with a witty comeback.

They reached the shops with no casualties, except the Doctor's nerves, and River and Amy rushed in first. Rory and the Doctor reluctantly followed, remembering their last experience with shopping for the girls. River had looked at all the clothes downstairs and picked up a few dresses by the time they got to the back,

"Just need to look upstairs," she smiled and pressed the button for the lift, not noticing the Doctor's smirk. They had just started moving when he started moaning in pain,

"Oh god, my head is killing me," he pressed the heel of his hand against his forehead, "GET OUT damn you! Please just shut up, all of you!" he slapped himself repeatedly, making the Ponds step back.

"Sweetie, are you alright?"

He winced again before straightening up and smiling at them, "perfectly fine River, what are you on about?"

"Nothing love," she gave him a quick look over and then shrugged, once again missing his grin.


End file.
